Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
