Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
