I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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