She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
