Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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