I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
