How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
