***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
