If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
