I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
