I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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