It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
