There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
