Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
