Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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