okay pat passed out under dana's car
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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