exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
