You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
