just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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