She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
