Apparently you make a good broom.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
