A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
