Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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