very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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