There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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