So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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