Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
