What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
