I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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