Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
