Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
