it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
