Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
