I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
