My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
