the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
