Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
