Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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