I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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