I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
