I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
