Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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