I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
