whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
