U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
