I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
