And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
