He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
