so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
