There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
