Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
