So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
