I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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