You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
