I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
