If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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