I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
