I'm really into asian looking animals
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
